Feeling kind of depressed today. I've mentioned before that M (my boyfriend) has been working non-stop for the past 2 months. It's been midnight every day for awhile, and the past couple weeks that's bled into the weekend too. I can't remember the last time we had a full weekend together.
He works in the entertainment industry, and they have a project deadline coming up in July... I thought he would be done done in July, but now he tells me he'll have to keep pushing forward through August (at which point he can work "normal" hours again - although who knows what normal is to him at this point!).
Because he comes home so late, he does nothing when it comes to household chores - all of it falls to me. We kind of have an arrangement (which began to take form after I downgraded to working part-time last summer) in which he pays for all the food and I take care of things around the house. I was ok with doing it when I was going to school and working minimal hours (despite not having a domestic bone in my body, I even kind of enjoyed learning how to cook), but starting next week I'll have school every night and be working every day... thinking about how I have to also keep the house clean (or allow it to turn into a pigsty, which he is perfectly happy with) is causing me a lot of stress. Even more stress comes with the fact that we're supposed to move next month, and I'm going to have to deal with all the arrangements (writing the notice to vacate, selling excess furniture, arranging the moving company, hiring carpet cleaners, showing the place to prospective tenants - oh, and did I mention the apartment hunt was entirely orchestrated by me? it was a struggle to even get him to look at places).
Not only that, but I'm feeling resentment towards him for having no time to spend with me. I'm well aware work is important, valuable, necessary - I'm sure as an attorney I'll have plenty of late nights too - but I feel like he's letting work suck his life away - suck our life away. Yes, he's the best person his company has (I'm not bragging when I say this; he loves the work he does, he's been doing it his whole life for fun, and he knows it inside and out), but I think the company is taking advantage of that fact. Or rather, he is letting them take advantage of that fact. It's not like they're requiring him to work the hours that he does. Maybe my unhappiness really stems from my feeling that he is choosing work over me.
It came to a head today when he told me he doesn't want to go on our trip to Europe. It was originally for his mom's wedding, but she changed plans, and then his dad suggested we go for his sister's graduation in July... but he said no, he doesn't want to, and that he "hates vacations" because they're "stressful" and that "anyway, we were just in Europe" (we went to England to visit his family last summer). Oh, and he also threw in a "you're poor" for good measure. (for the record, I've been selling purses/shoes/clothes on ebay to fund the trip) And that's when he also announced that he wouldn't really be done with the project until August. We had a heated conversation in which I told him I couldn't be with someone who doesn't like to travel. I mean, he has fun when he goes - after hours upon hours of discussion, argument, cajoling - until I finally convince him. But that takes a lot of the fun out of it. Ultimately he would much prefer either being at work, or being home on his computer doing things similar to what he does at work. That drives me crazy.
Anyway, I kind of went off on a tangent there... I'm just really frustrated. I suppose I'm echoing the sentiments of a lot of women, but I do not feel appreciated, and my feminist side is itching for a brawl!
