Two other significant things have occurred this month (besides my spending and studying). I'll get to the second one in another post...
Finally, finally (one year and 2 months later...), my relative has found a place to live, signed the lease, and is now in the process of moving out of our apartment. I should be happy, but to be honest, I have very mixed emotions. For one, how do I know she won't come back? How do I know she can actually afford this place and be 100% financially independent? The upside of her living with us was that she was no longer coming to me, asking for a "loan." She was consistently giving me money for her cell phone bill. She was helping out with groceries, laundry and cooking.
She says she's thoroughly budgeted for this, but I heard her talking to another relative, saying money was "tight." She's entitled to some privacy, but I really wish I could see this budget of hers, know how much money she was making at her job, or at least know the amount of the rent at this new place... It would give me peace of mind. Especially when she handed me a $100 bill for my birthday. I tried to impress on her that, above all else, I want her to be able to make it, even if that would've taken a few more months of living with us, no presents, no chipping in with the groceries, etc. But I think at this point she's feeling very embarrassed about the whole thing (and no, I don't help -- when we've gotten into arguments I've explicitly told her "you embarrass me") and just wants to get out on her own and not impose anymore.
So I'm worried, and also have to admit to feeling a bit sad about losing the companionship. I got used to having her around in the afternoons, even if I was generally in a foul mood when I saw her. I have my bf, but he works a long day; I'm lucky if I get to see him before 10pm. That worked out when I had class until very late, but now that I've been taking some day classes, I've been coming home much earlier, and it gets lonely sometimes. And despite my annoyance that she was STILL around, she always tried to be especially cheerful in her interactions with me (which mostly annoyed me even more... but sometimes it was nice).
I'm also now faced with the fact that we really have little use for our second room. Back in September, my bf and I talked about getting a roommate, but I'm reconsidering since (1) it would require speaking to our landlord (whom I really dislike) and (2) our rent would be increased. And we'd have the lack of privacy, potential friction, stress, theft... I have a host of concerns about living with a stranger. And a host of concerns about living with a friend, which was a disaster the one and only time we've done it, at our previous apartment (thank god for a 6 month lease!). Broke Grad Student has a post about it... Our issues fell under #1, 2 and 3, with some additional problems that came with my bf living there along with my friend.
We could move our computers to that room... so we could have a bedroom that's solely for the bed, and another room that's for working. I shouldn't say we have "little use" for the room -- it can and will be used, but that space isn't necessary. (You might ask why we got a 2 bedroom to begin with, and that's because the 1 bedrooms we looked at were tiny, and only several hundred less than this place).
Anyway, it's a lot to think about. And I assume I will start to feel happy (both for her and myself) once she has all her stuff moved out and isn't sleeping here anymore. I'm going to do what I can to help... maybe I can encourage her to start her own pf blog. It's been an eye-opening experience for me; maybe it can be for her too. :)
