I'm selling some items (negotiable on everything):
BenQ Joybee GP1 DLP Mini Projector - $350Sold :)
- Balenciaga City in Jet Black - $1200
Chloe Paddington in Chocolate Brown - $600Sold :)
- Coach clutch - $100
- Coach wallet - $75
I'm selling some items (negotiable on everything):
I found a replacement tenant for my apartment, who plans to move in the first week of February. I found this person after a day of searching!! The apartment managers were thrilled.
...but I don't know if it's working.
M (or should I just start referring to him as "the ex" now?) and I talked over the weekend. These are the tentative things we've agreed to:
Thank you so much for all your kind words, support and encouragement on my last post... It's helped. And thank you to everyone on Twitter for putting up with a week of my moping... and possibly many more weeks and months of it to come.
I haven't seen him since a quick visit on Monday night. He still has the majority of his stuff in our apartment. He was supposed to come by Tuesday to move more stuff, and talk to me about how we're going to handle things, but he came down with a cold. He said he was coming this weekend, but I'll be out of town with my friend (a free stay at her friend's house in the desert!). So I guess we'll talk and finalize things next week.
Yesterday morning was pretty bad, but I felt much stronger as the day wore on. But then this morning, after another night of dreams involving him, the panic welled up in me again. I called him; he didn't pick up. Thankfully, I had my mom, his sister, and my friend responding back to my texts immediately... So I didn't do something even more pathetic, like call him multiple times. A couple hours went by, and I felt better again. He called me back just a minute ago from his parents' home phone. I picked up because I didn't know who it was. He was talking like normal, with affection - I guess it was the cold that did it. He said he wanted to make sure I was alright. I said I was fine. It was a quick, couple minute conversation. I was torn between wanting to say so many things, and wanting to say nothing.
His mom and sister in England reached out to me. His mom went through a divorce with his dad at the 6 year mark as well (though he left her for another woman) - she thinks he has a case of the "male crazies" just like his dad. I suspect that his dad is playing some part in all of this, maybe indirectly, maybe over the entirety of our years together. His dad asked M, when we had been together 1 year, whether he didn't want to be with someone in his own field. And here he's decided that yes... he sure does.
I studied a little bit yesterday. But not enough. And I haven't been working. My mom keeps texting me with commands to "study!!!!" but I don't feel motivated in the slightest bit. I know I just need to find the strength within myself. But is it ok if I'm not strong for at least the rest of the week?
M, my boyfriend of 6+ years, who I've been living with for 5 years, broke up with me yesterday. He said it was because of a number of factors, but mainly that he just wanted "someone new." He said he felt he was being presented with two choices, either marry me and feel resentment over the "what ifs" or leave me and explore those "what ifs." He also wants alone time, wants to find himself, wants to not to be with the same person the entirety of his 20s, wants someone who feels good about themselves no matter what they look like (I don't feel good when I don't shower... is that a crime?!), wants someone who will collaborate with him on programming projects... BUT he wants me to know he still loves me. (Great!)
This is all a rehash of a conversation I vaguely mentioned last year. I thought we had discussed and resolved most of the issues he brought up, but I guess not. And I guess you can't really work through a "nagging feeling at the back of [his] mind for someone new."
I was with my last boyfriend for about 2 1/2 years, we weren't living together, I wasn't fond of his family, and our relationship was very much done by the time we broke up. And I still cried for days, was depressed for weeks.
This is a whole other situation. I'm close with his family, he's close with mine. My little sister adores him. Everything in the house is ours, everything bears each other's mark. He engraved all my electronics. We have pictures everywhere. He doesn't understand why reminders of us are painful to me. He said it should be reminders of the good times we had. I don't know what to say to that.
He's going to be moving out in the next couple days, probably with his family. He said I can keep whatever I want in the apartment. He also said he would continue paying the rent until the lease expires in June. That's good of him, I guess. It's clear he wants to remain my friend. I'd like that too... I think? I don't know what I need to do to get over him. The thought of being in this apartment alone every day and night brings me to tears. I wish my family lived in my city and not an hour away. I wish I had friends down the street. But I don't.
So I'm feeling a lot of anguish. I know it's probably normal. I just really felt like he was the one I was going to be with for the foreseeable future. I know I took some things for granted. We fell into a rut. I wonder what I should or could have done differently. Or maybe he would have felt he wanted "variety" no matter what I did.
I went to my friend's party last night. She kept telling me he would "come around and apologize." I asked him if he was thinking about coming back (or trying to come back) after he's had his alone time/variety. He said he didn't know, but that he didn't want me to think about it. I probably shouldn't have even brought it up; there are things I've said that have made me feel pathetic. But honestly I don't know what the best things to say or do at this point would be.
I really appreciate all the kind words on Twitter. It's been comforting. But I'm so very sad. And I need to pull myself together so I can study for the bar. I don't know what to do...
I'm a 20 something recent law school grad struggling to keep on top of my debt (and eventually be free from it!). I love purses, shoes, clothes, and shiny new tech WAY too much, and am trying to re-direct my addictive tendencies in a more healthy direction! Thanks for following me on my journey :)