I'm trying not to get angry

...but I don't know if it's working.


First of all, we have been together more than 6 years. For many years, we split all our finances. We made a mutual decision for me to quit my full-time job so that I could focus on school. When I graduated from school and couldn't find a job, he agreed to pay my monthly expenses. I told him I wanted that money to be considered a loan.

When there were jobs that were not ideal that I could have taken, he encouraged me not to take them. We had long discussions where we again came to a mutual agreement that I would try to find something part-time, and just focus on studying on the bar.

I relied on him. And he relied on me, in every way that didn't have to do with money. I envisioned a future in which school was entirely behind me, and I would be supporting him while he built up his own company.

Do I think he's being GENEROUS? No. I think he's being FAIR. He's doing what is morally right in our situation. It has nothing to do with me being "irresponsible" with money. Mutual decisions were made based on the assumption that we would be together in the foreseeable future. A mutual decision was made that I would not work full-time while I was studying for the bar. He SCREWED ME OVER. He could have PREPARED ME for this. And he realizes that. Which is why these decisions have been reached. (well, that and the fact that he says he still loves and cares for me so much and wants to still be close and see me... and he's conflicted and may just be a "stupid little boy.")

And re: the lease... we are not allowed subletters. We are not allowed assignees. So I can't just find someone to take over our lease (although I did approach the landlords with the possibility - they can agree to a lease amendment if they so choose). We've always been good tenants, and this is a pretty small management company... But I don't know how they'll react.

edit: So I should mention this post was in response to comments left on my previous post... which I deleted. But I think you get the gist of what they were saying!

13 comments:

bumblesofabee said...

i'd be angry too if that happened to me. And if being angry helps you get over him, then indulge!

j. said...

You made decisions as a couple, the no warning. I'm amazed that after springing the whole thing on you he's being reasonable and not leaving you holding the bag.

I think it's ice cream time. Or maybe beer. Not both.

People on the internets say what they think. Sometimes they say the wrong thing and sometimes they say the right thing wrong. It sucks, but that's what delete and ice cream are for.

-j.

j. said...

Sorry, that first sentence should end "then he uncoupled you with no warning."

dratted dysfunctional keyboard and mouse....

stackingpennies said...

I don't get why people are leaving mean comments. Really.

How does it help anyone? You just lost your partner of 6 years. If they disagree and think they have a helpful suggestion, people can at least be polite, thoughtful, and considerate. This money stuff is between you and the ex, and if he thinks it is fair and you think it is fair... the necessary votes have been tallied!

Yeah, it is a public blog, but I don't see how that means it is acceptable to be rude.

Hang in there, ok?

Sarah said...

First off elderanda2 bit your tongue!!! This maybe an open blog but this is HER PERSONAL BLOG!!!! YOU have NO right to bash someone, especially when you hid behind a pen name.

Second, The Debt Chronicles welcome to stage 2 of getting over a person. I have always said there are 3 stages of a brake up 1) tears 2) anger 3) nothingness IE: you have no feeling for the person you once cared for.

As for the personal debts to him it, consider it collateral tell in he's not getting it back after all, by law you 2 were legally married. FYI you could go after him for spousal support. If he doesn't like it tough, like I said spousal support- 6 years. Now focus on your bar exam your future is in your hands and no-one-else's.

Airam said...

Honestly, you don't, and shouldn't try to, justify how you feel to ANYONE, least of all those that choose to hide under a pseudonym online.

Hang in there.

Serendipity said...

I hate how weird internet trolls think they can just say whatever they feel like, with no regards to peoples feelings or without knowing the entire situation. Many things were done together as team for what seemed like a good idea at the time. Hang in there and hold your head high.

Sallie's Niece said...

I didn't read the bad comments but screw those people. You are going through a life altering event. Feel whatever you need to feel but don't waste one second on thinking about what trolls think. Hugs to you.

paranoidasteroid said...

What everyone else has already said - screw the haters! If money issues were the downfall of your relationship, why would he wait until NOW when they're almost over to end it? Why would he loan you money? And why would he tell you not to take jobs?

Clearly, this person has not been in a long-term relationship!

I'm still made at M over this, actually. As little as 2 months ago, he was telling you not to take jobs. I think he hasn't thought this through and is going to end up regretting it.

ND Chic'c Cents said...

I agree with Paranoid. Why did he tell you not to take a job if he was planning this? I know that its hard but just try to focus on studying for the exam. When you pass and get a permanent position, you will feel better about yourself.

M said...

You can absolutely sublet, it's in the Tenancy Act. To not be able to do so is illegal.

enza said...

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear about your break up. Sometime ago a girlfriend broke up with me after a 7 year realationship. It was the hardest thing in the world. I wanted the fairytale - a family and white picket fence and she did too but just not with me.

From day one I accepted she was not coming back, I never tried to find out what she was doing and after the initial sorting out period I never rang her. I accepted it was over 100%. I had to otherwise my recovery would have been delayed for months or even years. Don't get me wrong, I thought about her all the time, I loved her, but I knew i couldn't change her mind and I wanted to keep a little dignity. That does mean something to me.

Since those initial dark dark days, wonderful things have happended to me. Great things. And in time you will start feeling better. Eat well and excercise.

ashley said...

I'm sorry about everything, and I'm even more sorry that there are such cruel people out there. I know it's hard, but try not to listen to what they say. You have so many more people out here who support you.

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