Thank You

Thank you so much for all your kind words, support and encouragement on my last post... It's helped. And thank you to everyone on Twitter for putting up with a week of my moping... and possibly many more weeks and months of it to come.

I haven't seen him since a quick visit on Monday night. He still has the majority of his stuff in our apartment. He was supposed to come by Tuesday to move more stuff, and talk to me about how we're going to handle things, but he came down with a cold. He said he was coming this weekend, but I'll be out of town with my friend (a free stay at her friend's house in the desert!). So I guess we'll talk and finalize things next week.

Yesterday morning was pretty bad, but I felt much stronger as the day wore on. But then this morning, after another night of dreams involving him, the panic welled up in me again. I called him; he didn't pick up. Thankfully, I had my mom, his sister, and my friend responding back to my texts immediately... So I didn't do something even more pathetic, like call him multiple times. A couple hours went by, and I felt better again. He called me back just a minute ago from his parents' home phone. I picked up because I didn't know who it was. He was talking like normal, with affection - I guess it was the cold that did it. He said he wanted to make sure I was alright. I said I was fine. It was a quick, couple minute conversation. I was torn between wanting to say so many things, and wanting to say nothing.

His mom and sister in England reached out to me. His mom went through a divorce with his dad at the 6 year mark as well (though he left her for another woman) - she thinks he has a case of the "male crazies" just like his dad. I suspect that his dad is playing some part in all of this, maybe indirectly, maybe over the entirety of our years together. His dad asked M, when we had been together 1 year, whether he didn't want to be with someone in his own field. And here he's decided that yes... he sure does.

I studied a little bit yesterday. But not enough. And I haven't been working. My mom keeps texting me with commands to "study!!!!" but I don't feel motivated in the slightest bit. I know I just need to find the strength within myself. But is it ok if I'm not strong for at least the rest of the week?

10 comments:

eemusings said...

Stay strong!

I can't imagine what it's like to go through this after so long together. Of course you don't have to be strong! It's going to take time. Eat chocolate. Listen to James Blunt. Whatever. It's about you now and putting yourself first.

smallstepsforbigchange said...

Keep on moping on Twitter, we'll be there for you.

bumblesofabee said...

I think it's odd that his dad asked if he wanted to be with someone in his own field. With me, I feel like there should be a separation between work and life/love and it's nice to have an outside perspective. But I guess if you love your work that much...

Anyways, take care of yourself and your heart!

payingmyself said...

Bring on the moping, we'll be there. :-) And don't force yourself to study, it won't do you any good.

The key thing you have to remember is that you can't lean on him to get through this and he can't lean on you, nor can you keep in contact to make sure the other person is okay - those are all things you've done for each other for forever through many crises (crisises?) but you can't anymore. You've got to turn to the other people in your life. And that's hard - god, so hard! I've been there. But you've got to dial someone else's number every time you want to call him. Trying to help each other through this will just make everything worse.

M said...

Twitter has been better at helping me cope with moping than my own friends have been, so we are definitely here for you if you need it!!!!!

Sarah said...

We are here for you! What ever you need. Please rely on us. Vent, we are here for you. As for not focussing for a week that's ok but don't let it side track you form what really counts: moving on from him both professionally and personally.

Kelly said...

A week!! That's nothing, you can any length of time you need. I just blogged about my break up too, there are others like us going through this, or having been through this before. I agree with the post about turning to friends and family. That's what I hope to do.
Kelly
http://athrumor.blogspot.com

Sallie's Niece said...

Hugs. It's still new. I've moped for way more than a week before. His dad sounds like a jerk. What the heck field is he in anyway? You deserve much better.

Jessica said...

Actually studying may help take your mind off things and thus help you think about the future! Break ups are hard. Break ups are crappy. Unfortunately only time is the best answer and a lot of that time, it hurts. You'll get stronger each day. Resist the urge to call him. That tends to only make it worse! Keep your head up and you'll get through it.

Serendipity said...

We're here if you need us! And eat lots of chocolate!

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