We Bought a Car

I mentioned this in passing, but M and I bought a car. It cost $11,000. Technically, M bought it, and I owe him half somewhere down the line. The car was paid in cash, no loans involved. The thing is, it wasn't for us. It was for my mom.

It makes me feel a little uncomfortable to talk about it. Yes, he and I have been together a long time. He said he wanted to do it. I argued against it. Ultimately he convinced me that it would be the best thing to do for us and for her. But I suppose it makes me feel ashamed. And guilty. His parents are very well-off. My mom, who has been jobless for years, is not. She has never asked us for money, but she's expected other things. I mentioned at some point that a relative lived with us for a year - that was her.

My mom was just beginning a career in academia when she had me. She left her career behind to be a housewife. When my dad divorced her, after 20+ years together, she was left with nothing. She gets by with some alimony, but I fear anything could send her over the edge - medical bills, utility bills, whatever. M never wants her to live with us again (she's a very kind, happy person, but being around her makes me the opposite, and hey, privacy?), so he's very determined that we pay for whatever we can to make her stable. And by "we" I mean "he"... ever since I stopped working to concentrate on school, I haven't been able to contribute to anything other than our rent and our cell phone bill.

So... I feel guilty. He doesn't talk about it, he doesn't seem concerned, and I know he feels pleased to be able to help. He makes a lot of money; he has a lot of money saved. But whatever, it's not fair to him.

I should add that she's extremely grateful about the car, and I know it's made her life a lot easier. But I'm getting really tired of M and I bailing her out. Have I mentioned I've given her $15k over the years? Anyway...

8 comments:

Canadian Saver said...

I don't think he'd do it if he didn't want to... how very generous. I hope your mom appreciates her new car :-)

Sunflowers said...

It was very generous. :) He likes seeing everyone in the family have everything they need. And she does appreciate it, very much so... I made sure to add that to the post.

ashley said...

I agree with Canadian Saver... he wouldn't have done it if he wasn't comfortable with the idea. And, like you said, there are perks in it for him too.

eemusings said...

That is very generous. You didn't make him do anything, he chose to. Adnd it's great you can afford to help out your family like that.

My parents, while not really well-off, will certainly never need my help. It's kind of the opposite for BF. (And also the opposite in that I'm the main income earner; he's out of work). Buying a car sounds just like something he'd want to do to help his mother, and I know he would in a heartbeat if he had the money.

Family can be the source of a lot of financial stress. You say he doesn't talk about it, but he doesn't seem concerned. So don't feel guilty!

Miss Moo said...

you and M are generous. i'm in the same boat with my mum. be careful though, you could just be enabling here.

medical bills or utilities could send her over the edge? it's life. you can't be expected to bail her out every time. good luck. it's SO HARD when it's your own mother!

Red said...

It sounds like M is a very generous man who loves you very much. He wouldn't do that otherwise. So be thankful for that.

I'm sorry that you have such a frustrating issue to handle. It's hard to support other people, and it's doubly hard when those people are supposed to be your example, not the other way around. You want to be able to say, "Ok, it's time you become an adult and take care of yourself," but at the same time, that person is your family and you don't want them to suffer. (I've gone through something similar with a grandmother, though she's never had to move in with the family. Yet.) It probably took a lot of courage to write this post. Thanks for sharing it with us. :)

易英易英 said...

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Grace. said...

He's a good guy. But you don't need to feel guilty for your good fortune in having him around. The truth is, he's not so much helping out your mom (that was a side effect) as seeing to his own happiness (which involves NOT having your mom live in with you!). He wants to stay with you, which means he finds a way to handle your mom in the way that least impinges upon him. Nice that it is working out for all of you.

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