In a Funk

I've been feeling kind of depressed lately... It might be because I'm PMSing, or maybe a combination of that and stress.

M has also been staying at work until midnight nearly every night for the past month and a half, AND going in on the weekends. In three months they're wrapping up a project, and he has tons of stuff to do. He says it's going to continue like this until the project is finished. I went through this two years ago, when they were wrapping up the previous project, but I don't remember it being quite this bad. (Although he's been promoted since then, and has more responsibilities... I guess that's why it's different) When he is home on the weekends, he likes to just spend the day on the computer, or sometimes we watch Netflix. He doesn't like to go out. If I want to, I have to push and push and push.

I'm struggling with being supportive... struggling with a selfish desire to demand he at least spend a full day on the weekend with me, going out into the fresh air, doing something new and exciting, or at least something that doesn't involve staring at a computer screen. I think it feels worse now because I'm only working part-time during the week; with the extra time to myself, I get kind of lonely. I put off eating dinner until he comes home so we can eat together. Sometimes I catch myself literally counting the minutes until it's time to pick him up.

But it's really weird... I know that if he was constantly asking me to go out somewhere with him, I would be more inclined to say no and want to study. The fact that it's hard to find time with him makes me to spend more time with him. Yearning for the things we can't have, right?

Maybe I just need to spend more time doing my own thing. Eat dinner when I get hungry, let him fend for himself when he gets home. Plan lots of outings with friends on the weekend. Go to the library so I can focus on studying. Let him be consumed with work for 3 months, and then once it's over, go back to normal life? It's just really hard for me to understand why someone would want to work that much... he has a passion for his job that I've never had for any of mine. I do hope that I find something I'm passionate about... but I still want to have balance in my life. My relationships will always be as important as my career.

11 comments:

flirty*almost*30 said...

ohhhhh boy can i relate to this one!!! good luck. i'm not good with advice seeing as i've tried and failed at that one, but i just wanted to say that i know what you're going through... and you're NOT being selfish!!!

Little Miss Southern said...

... I agree. That you are NOT being selfish.. Yall are in this together.. always.. not just some of the time.

It wouldnt be hard for him to go and do things with you on ONE day.. explore your city! Watch a movie OUT! Go out for dinner. Anything. You deserve one day sweetie!

Sunflowers said...

In his defense, before "crunch time" began, he would go out with me for a bit on the weekends, usually whatever I wanted to do (though I still had to push :p)... I've known him for 5 years; he's just not an outdoors kind of guy. I respect that, and I think he tries to respect my views. But sometimes I just get tired of his views, and want to yell "you're not normal!" :p That's mean (and I've never said it - well, uh, maybe in an argument). I can't exactly call myself an "outdoors person" either - I have to push myself to get out of the house too. But I'm so happy when I do!

As far as the job goes, he just loves what he does, and he's really talented and he has to pick up a lot of slack... he's also moved really quickly up the ranks, and he wants to keep moving higher. I love his ambition, but I feel like he could put a little less of himself into his job (and more into our relationship) and still get where he wants to go.

Shtinkykat said...

I can understand your struggles. It's natural. On the other hand, I can understand M's not wanting to go out after putting in so much effort at work. I think you're on the right track about finding things to do independent of M while he's finishing up this project. After all, I do truly believe that a strong couple is one in which both individuals have the ability to have independent of one another when the other is not available. I know it's tough but it sounds like a temporary thing. Good luck, Sunflowers and go have some fun!

Sunflowers said...

@Shtinkykat - Since finals are in 3 weeks, I guess I should be happy he's gone and just try to take advantage of the quiet apartment. ;) But even quiet distracts me... lol.

Miss M said...

Aww I'm sorry you're lonely. I think you should take the time to focus on yourself, do you have any hobbies? I kind of enjoy when Mr M is working, I like doing my own thing sometimes. It's a bit lonely but I get so much more done!

Miss M said...

Oh, I meant to mention. Sundays we've been taking the dogs hiking in a nearby park but Mr M was too tired yesterday - so I went by myself. I would have been bitter sitting around the house so instead I went ahead and did what I wanted to. I only took 1 dog and we had fun together. Some evenings I'm too tired to go out so I send him off alone, we're pretty good about doing stuff together and alone.

paranoidasteroid said...

I do this to Chad too! The best thign is just use the time to do your own thing. Try somethign new, or maybe read a book you'd been wanting to try.

Then when his work load is lighter, he'll be bummed about how little time you seem to have for him!

Sunflowers said...

@Miss M - I like playing tennis (but that requires a second person), yoga, definitely reading... I like taking walks, going to the beach, but I don't feel super comfortable going by myself. Sometimes the homeless people are really aggressive. I wish I had a dog, that would make me feel a lot more comfortable. One day :)

@paranoidasteroid: Usually I'm fine, I'll find something to do, but last week it just got to me because I had the whole week off and no one to spend it with!

Serendipity said...

OMG I feel your pain. This has happened so many times w/ Rambo, hence why I have a gay bf as well as my straight one. I find that if I keep myself surrounded and just busy it helps alot, but you are not being selfish!

Sunflowers said...

@Serendipity: I so need a gay bf! hmm, now where to find one... <.<

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